So…Who Is This “Tinder girl”?

I ‘m Fae*, for the purposes of this blog at least, and I’m 27 years old. This blog for me is an account of my dating life to date and the crazy journey it’s taken me on.

It’s funny to think that the entries that I’ll be sharing with you are anything other than a joke; though I’m yet to decide whether the fact they make up my life is a good thing or not. I have now played this Tinder game longer than I ever thought I would, because this was never part of the plan. I entered the dating scene, well the Tinder scene, when I was nearly 22 years old, although I had been single since I was 21. Now, at 27, I’m still here, still playing this game, and I feel, still learning the rules that come with it. The rules of dating, of love and of life, I guess.

I’m sharing this with you as a log of everything that has been, everything that has come and gone and also as somewhere to write my hopes for what will come one day, because I feel this game is making me crazy. It feels like everyone has their shit together, and then there’s me! So, I guess, this is a way of normalising it all perhaps.

As I sit and think about what will come and what you will read later down the line, when I bring you up to speed with things, I realise that at times I will come across as exceptionally cynical, and I am; on some level, but for those that see past that, and know the real me (and maybe that’s what you’ll gain from these entries) perhaps you’ll be able to see the soft heart of the hopeless romantic that lives inside me.

I wish the stories I am to tell you were like the ones I read, that no one knows I do- so please kept quiet about that! The kind of story where two people find a common connection, a shared soul almost, that slowly fall deeply and madly in love with one another. I wish these were happy stories to tell, ones that fill your heart and mind with all the wonders that perhaps are out there. But I don’t believe in souls, and what would be the point of spinning lies? Another tale that I would ordinarily lap up, with a smile on my face and in my heart, when the world I’ve known isn’t like that, and I fear the dating game we’ve set up with things like Tinder have made that so.

I can’t pretend that that is my story, despite how much I would love for my Disney happily ever after. But the problem with Disney is the fact you only ever see them running off into the sunset, that’s not ever after, that’s the honeymoon phase! I’ve had many of those, many honeymoons, though I’ve never been married- not even close.

So, here we go I guess… this is my story of how I became this “Tinder girl”. My story of all the riding into the sunsets, that then take a turn and crash. Don’t get me wrong there are happy moments, and many of them, just I’ve never found a sunset that lasts, let’s put it that way, and I still resent Disney for getting me to buy into that shit from such a young age.

Now, of all the men I’ve known, and of all the near misses of happily ever after I’ve had, and all the crashes that came, I feel James is the best way to start. He was not my first, and he has definitely not been my last (or even close for that matter), but he was the first that saw me as her. A “Tinder girl”. Or, at least the first to tell me that’s who I was or had become to him. He was my first actual happily ever after, and my first love. So, I guess in typical fairy-tale fashion…

Once upon a time, back in 2014, when I was just 22, I met a man called James, little did I know at the time that he would change my life, forever. But, I guess we never know the impact people like him will have on our lives, until, perhaps, it’s too late.

*all names throughout this blog have been changed for anonymity.